My Relationship, My Story (Learn) Part 2
Welcome Back.................
In my last post, i talked about my very first relationship, how it was supposed to be the envy of so many and it never worked out.
Today, I would be talking about one sided love using my story as an example but before I continue, let me conclude on my earlier story.
Sincerely, he really liked me and i really did liked him but i was not enjoying it anymore, so I had to call it quit..........so many a time, these things really hurt, but when it is obvious that it was not going to work out, just let it go.
Now i want you to know something, because you and your partner are no longer dating does not mean you can not be friends. Till date, we still both talk like friends.
Note: If you are still into him, you both can give yourself space for a period of time, so that you can clear your mind but that does not mean you can not be friends.
Earlier, i said i would be talking about one sided love using my story.
Sometimes, I feel that it is better to know and be disappointed than to never know and always wonder.
He was a year ahead of me in the University.............Forget about talking.........I do not even remember us sharing any discussion or a hihi............
I have been seeing him from a distance, I have seen him several times but never close. I saw him closely for the first time during a music/theatre session in my school. He was passing by the hall and I was outside with a friend that knew him, so he passed and said hi..........O MY GOD.........I could feel my heart beat..........My friend responded hi......the only thing i could say was wooooow......this guy is cute and he turned and said.........What did you say........Jeez.......It was as if i was melting.........When he asked.....i just kept mute....and them my friend said....She said you are cute and he smiled and said.......Thank you......ooooooooooo....that smile was everything for me.
Sincerely, he is cute and fine......come on.....How can any girl resist that.
After that short conversation, we never saw again but i was always looking out for him in chapel..... at the bus pack.....at the eatery...literally everywhere but i never saw him again until he graduated.
Few month after he graduated, he came back to school to do something and we saw again..........I could not believe, he still recognized me.......so we exchanged pleasantries and he collected my number on a sheet of paper (which he probably threw away when i left) and he gave me his own.
About five months later, I was in my hostel and a friend told me to give her my phone to make a call which I did. When she was done, she returned the phone.....thou I did not know who she called..........Hours later, a call came in and I saw his name on the screen............mehnnnnn...........can you just imagine.......I could not pick it, then the call came in again and when i picked, he said i just called him......It was then I knew he was the one my friend called ............... actually he did not know he was speaking to me..........so I just Introduced myself and from there we got talking and it became like an everyday conversation.
During his National Youth Service Year, we spoke like we have known each other for years. I almost became an Avid Stalker of him, trying to find out every damn thing about him. I know I had been very stupid waiting for him to come online for a conversation, trying hard and being a coward, not knowing how to find out his feelings for me.
Though, I did not do any thing crazy but certainly did such things that would have given him the thought that I was totally into him.
I was stuck in love with him but I never knew his feelings for me, I tried hard to find out. I was hurt, always hurt, seriously hurt whenever I could not reach him or If he did not return my calls or text. I was hurt to an extent that I could feel It physically, My chest always hurt whenever I thought of him..................You probably would not understand..............I seriously felt pain physically.
To cut the long story short, I mustered up courage and put forth my feelings for him on Whatsapp. Though It seemed Indirect because I portrayed myself as a third party..........I hope you understand...........And If you do not, ask me.......the fact was that I knew He perfectly understood what I was saying......Sincerely I was afraid to speak to him on phone or in person about it, although I was not afraid of being rejected., In fact, I felt It would be the best possible thing to happen, as It would have ended my vicious cycle of being after him.
After the message, he did not reply and we did not talk for a while. The most painful part was that, I was the one always doing the calling and even when he sees my call, he hardly returns It. whenever I complain, he would always give me one excuse or the other and I always believed what ever he says because I was totally into him,
Let me take you back a bit, after he finished his National Youth Service, he playfully asked me out, but I knew he was not serious about it, he was just probably doing it because he felt........ooo......this lady has always been there for me, so If we date for real, It was not a crime, so I just waved it off. Obviously, he was joking because he never went back to the discussion again.
As months passed, the stalking ended, I text him when necessary and I occasionally share little happiness of mine with him. Though I still have him in mind but I have managed to overcome my feelings for him. He has been a great friend, very smart and Intelligent but I never got to know what he thinks about me (In the first place, does he think about me at all?) and at this point I decided to let go.
In case you are reading this, All I wanted to say is : You were always on my mind.
You are Humble and a genius; for that, I will always adore you.
You try as much as possible not to hurt anyone, even though you did to me Unknowingly.
You are a person I have always dreamed of spending the rest of my life with.
Though you never said or I never got to know your feelings for me. I just think that
SOMETIMES, IT IS BETTER TO LET GO, THAN TO HOLD ONTO.
NOW LISTEN
Loving someone is one of the most vulnerable positions in which you can be. You open your heart to another person and your best wish is for him or her to love you in return.
Unfortunately, life is not a Nicholas Sparks movie; love isn’t always reciprocated, and it doesn’t always end in a happily ever after.
I had to learn this hard truth, and chances are, you’re reading this because you have, too.
Sometimes, love isn’t a feeling you force upon yourself; it just happens.
When you start to spend more time with another human being, you expose yourself to whom he or she is — all the idiosyncrasies, past experiences, what makes him or her happy or sad, dreams and ambitions in life, flaws and the depths of his or her heart.
And you, in return, divulge your deepest secrets and desires. They know what it takes to make you laugh or feel special, and you build new memories together that make any torment of the past that much easier to bear. It makes you feel hopeful, and before you know it, you’re in love.
It is an incredibly vulnerable position because to me, loving someone entails giving away parts of yourself you lock up from the rest of the world.
We all have stories to which we quietly hold tightly and when you are finally able to reveal this to another person, it is a true sign of trust and a whole new level of intimacy.
Everything changes the moment you look at a person differently. You start to notice intricate details you didn’t before, like the curve of his or her lips, the frown line above his or her eyebrows and the way he or she laughs.
You realize how much you adore this person and what you would do to move mountains for him or her. Then, your heart starts to palpitate, fingers start to shake and it dawns on you that the next step won't be easy — the declaration.
This is the scariest part. You either free your soul and spill, or die in torment to salvage whatever relationship you have. If you know for sure that how you feel is mutual, there is absolutely no risk involved. Otherwise, it is an excruciating experience that might make you wish you were hit by a truck.
The part where he or she tells you he or she doesn’t feel the same way or can’t date you for whatever reasons or is not ready to be in a relationship can be painful to hear. But, the reason is irrelevant — it still f*cking sucks.
Rejection is not pretty. It hurts. It brings on an onslaught of tears, heartache and self-loathing. This is the part where your shattered heart will start to ask questions like, “Why doesn’t he/she love me?” and your brain does this bullsh*t thing where it answers with, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not loveable” or “I’m worthless.”
The next thing you know, you’re in sweatpants with a tub of ice cream and you call in sick to work because you can’t get out of bed. Rejection can be immobilizing.
Then, you have to deal with the “giving each other space” thing so you can stay friends or “never see each other ever again” because it’s awkward. It’s almost like a breakup! Then, you mourn the person's absence and wonder if he or she thinks of you, too.
Then, you get even more depressed by the very thought of you being all emotional while he or she is probably off with someone better. Then, you wonder if he or she cares at all, even just a little bit. And then, you feel sorry for yourself.
After some time to grieve — weeks or maybe even months —, you might be able to wake up in the morning and breathe clearly again because it didn’t hurt so much.
You start doing the “I’m working on me” thing and it distracts you for a bit, but a song might come on the radio that reminds you of him or her, or someone asks you about that person, and the pain bleeds through the cracks of your trying-to-mend heart.
You want to call him or her just to see how he or she is, but maybe that’s too much. You have news to share with this person, like a new job or something interesting that happened, but maybe that’s too much, as well.
The worst thing that could happen is a relapse. And, you’re stuck with the feeling of “will this ever get better?”
You move on with your life, fearing you'll never open your heart that way again. You also fear no one will be able to steal your heart again.
Perhaps the sun will shine over the dark clouds one day and you will have your moments of hope and faith — hope that it will get better soon and faith that it will all make sense.
You didn’t understand because in your eyes, the two of you would have been an unstoppable force and an amazing love story. You wish that he or she could see the beautiful world through your lenses — a romance entangled with heated debates, bad fights and passionate sex.
The truth is, he or she will never understand. He or she will never understand how happy you could have made him or her or how it feels to be loved by you. And that, in the end, is the saddest, most painful part of it all.
In my last post, i talked about my very first relationship, how it was supposed to be the envy of so many and it never worked out.
Today, I would be talking about one sided love using my story as an example but before I continue, let me conclude on my earlier story.
Sincerely, he really liked me and i really did liked him but i was not enjoying it anymore, so I had to call it quit..........so many a time, these things really hurt, but when it is obvious that it was not going to work out, just let it go.
Now i want you to know something, because you and your partner are no longer dating does not mean you can not be friends. Till date, we still both talk like friends.
Note: If you are still into him, you both can give yourself space for a period of time, so that you can clear your mind but that does not mean you can not be friends.
Earlier, i said i would be talking about one sided love using my story.
Sometimes, I feel that it is better to know and be disappointed than to never know and always wonder.
He was a year ahead of me in the University.............Forget about talking.........I do not even remember us sharing any discussion or a hihi............
I have been seeing him from a distance, I have seen him several times but never close. I saw him closely for the first time during a music/theatre session in my school. He was passing by the hall and I was outside with a friend that knew him, so he passed and said hi..........O MY GOD.........I could feel my heart beat..........My friend responded hi......the only thing i could say was wooooow......this guy is cute and he turned and said.........What did you say........Jeez.......It was as if i was melting.........When he asked.....i just kept mute....and them my friend said....She said you are cute and he smiled and said.......Thank you......ooooooooooo....that smile was everything for me.
Sincerely, he is cute and fine......come on.....How can any girl resist that.
After that short conversation, we never saw again but i was always looking out for him in chapel..... at the bus pack.....at the eatery...literally everywhere but i never saw him again until he graduated.
Few month after he graduated, he came back to school to do something and we saw again..........I could not believe, he still recognized me.......so we exchanged pleasantries and he collected my number on a sheet of paper (which he probably threw away when i left) and he gave me his own.
About five months later, I was in my hostel and a friend told me to give her my phone to make a call which I did. When she was done, she returned the phone.....thou I did not know who she called..........Hours later, a call came in and I saw his name on the screen............mehnnnnn...........can you just imagine.......I could not pick it, then the call came in again and when i picked, he said i just called him......It was then I knew he was the one my friend called ............... actually he did not know he was speaking to me..........so I just Introduced myself and from there we got talking and it became like an everyday conversation.
During his National Youth Service Year, we spoke like we have known each other for years. I almost became an Avid Stalker of him, trying to find out every damn thing about him. I know I had been very stupid waiting for him to come online for a conversation, trying hard and being a coward, not knowing how to find out his feelings for me.
Though, I did not do any thing crazy but certainly did such things that would have given him the thought that I was totally into him.
I was stuck in love with him but I never knew his feelings for me, I tried hard to find out. I was hurt, always hurt, seriously hurt whenever I could not reach him or If he did not return my calls or text. I was hurt to an extent that I could feel It physically, My chest always hurt whenever I thought of him..................You probably would not understand..............I seriously felt pain physically.
To cut the long story short, I mustered up courage and put forth my feelings for him on Whatsapp. Though It seemed Indirect because I portrayed myself as a third party..........I hope you understand...........And If you do not, ask me.......the fact was that I knew He perfectly understood what I was saying......Sincerely I was afraid to speak to him on phone or in person about it, although I was not afraid of being rejected., In fact, I felt It would be the best possible thing to happen, as It would have ended my vicious cycle of being after him.
After the message, he did not reply and we did not talk for a while. The most painful part was that, I was the one always doing the calling and even when he sees my call, he hardly returns It. whenever I complain, he would always give me one excuse or the other and I always believed what ever he says because I was totally into him,
Let me take you back a bit, after he finished his National Youth Service, he playfully asked me out, but I knew he was not serious about it, he was just probably doing it because he felt........ooo......this lady has always been there for me, so If we date for real, It was not a crime, so I just waved it off. Obviously, he was joking because he never went back to the discussion again.
As months passed, the stalking ended, I text him when necessary and I occasionally share little happiness of mine with him. Though I still have him in mind but I have managed to overcome my feelings for him. He has been a great friend, very smart and Intelligent but I never got to know what he thinks about me (In the first place, does he think about me at all?) and at this point I decided to let go.
In case you are reading this, All I wanted to say is : You were always on my mind.
You are Humble and a genius; for that, I will always adore you.
You try as much as possible not to hurt anyone, even though you did to me Unknowingly.
You are a person I have always dreamed of spending the rest of my life with.
Though you never said or I never got to know your feelings for me. I just think that
SOMETIMES, IT IS BETTER TO LET GO, THAN TO HOLD ONTO.
NOW LISTEN
Loving someone is one of the most vulnerable positions in which you can be. You open your heart to another person and your best wish is for him or her to love you in return.
Unfortunately, life is not a Nicholas Sparks movie; love isn’t always reciprocated, and it doesn’t always end in a happily ever after.
I had to learn this hard truth, and chances are, you’re reading this because you have, too.
Sometimes, love isn’t a feeling you force upon yourself; it just happens.
When you start to spend more time with another human being, you expose yourself to whom he or she is — all the idiosyncrasies, past experiences, what makes him or her happy or sad, dreams and ambitions in life, flaws and the depths of his or her heart.
And you, in return, divulge your deepest secrets and desires. They know what it takes to make you laugh or feel special, and you build new memories together that make any torment of the past that much easier to bear. It makes you feel hopeful, and before you know it, you’re in love.
It is an incredibly vulnerable position because to me, loving someone entails giving away parts of yourself you lock up from the rest of the world.
We all have stories to which we quietly hold tightly and when you are finally able to reveal this to another person, it is a true sign of trust and a whole new level of intimacy.
Everything changes the moment you look at a person differently. You start to notice intricate details you didn’t before, like the curve of his or her lips, the frown line above his or her eyebrows and the way he or she laughs.
You realize how much you adore this person and what you would do to move mountains for him or her. Then, your heart starts to palpitate, fingers start to shake and it dawns on you that the next step won't be easy — the declaration.
This is the scariest part. You either free your soul and spill, or die in torment to salvage whatever relationship you have. If you know for sure that how you feel is mutual, there is absolutely no risk involved. Otherwise, it is an excruciating experience that might make you wish you were hit by a truck.
The part where he or she tells you he or she doesn’t feel the same way or can’t date you for whatever reasons or is not ready to be in a relationship can be painful to hear. But, the reason is irrelevant — it still f*cking sucks.
Rejection is not pretty. It hurts. It brings on an onslaught of tears, heartache and self-loathing. This is the part where your shattered heart will start to ask questions like, “Why doesn’t he/she love me?” and your brain does this bullsh*t thing where it answers with, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not loveable” or “I’m worthless.”
The next thing you know, you’re in sweatpants with a tub of ice cream and you call in sick to work because you can’t get out of bed. Rejection can be immobilizing.
Then, you have to deal with the “giving each other space” thing so you can stay friends or “never see each other ever again” because it’s awkward. It’s almost like a breakup! Then, you mourn the person's absence and wonder if he or she thinks of you, too.
Then, you get even more depressed by the very thought of you being all emotional while he or she is probably off with someone better. Then, you wonder if he or she cares at all, even just a little bit. And then, you feel sorry for yourself.
After some time to grieve — weeks or maybe even months —, you might be able to wake up in the morning and breathe clearly again because it didn’t hurt so much.
You start doing the “I’m working on me” thing and it distracts you for a bit, but a song might come on the radio that reminds you of him or her, or someone asks you about that person, and the pain bleeds through the cracks of your trying-to-mend heart.
You want to call him or her just to see how he or she is, but maybe that’s too much. You have news to share with this person, like a new job or something interesting that happened, but maybe that’s too much, as well.
The worst thing that could happen is a relapse. And, you’re stuck with the feeling of “will this ever get better?”
You move on with your life, fearing you'll never open your heart that way again. You also fear no one will be able to steal your heart again.
Perhaps the sun will shine over the dark clouds one day and you will have your moments of hope and faith — hope that it will get better soon and faith that it will all make sense.
You didn’t understand because in your eyes, the two of you would have been an unstoppable force and an amazing love story. You wish that he or she could see the beautiful world through your lenses — a romance entangled with heated debates, bad fights and passionate sex.
The truth is, he or she will never understand. He or she will never understand how happy you could have made him or her or how it feels to be loved by you. And that, in the end, is the saddest, most painful part of it all.
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